Thursday, June 25, 2009

There goes another..

[this is my blog, my outlet, and I will speak my mind]

Nothing prepares you for the day you realize a close friendship is over, or that is has created some feelings that may not be resolved, no matter how much you would like to reconcile. In my life I have been hurt by two, now three, girls worse than I was ever hurt by a boyfriend. (keeping in mind that my first 'boyfriend' got a girl pregnant while we were together, and I had no idea he was being 'unfaithful') The friendships with these girls were all friendships that I held dearly to my heart and it still upsets me to think about. I would say that my eyes will not shed any more tears, but there are currently tears in my eyes.

I honestly 100% thought that there was a mutual encouraging relationship between me and her. We would talk throughout gmail pretty much all throughout the workday Monday-Friday. She would tell me something exciting about her more experienced business, and I would tell her something exciting about my new blooming business. I shared frustrations of the business world (maybe I should have kept a few comments to myself, but I was afterall in the presence of a friend) and always made sure to ask what she was up to and encourage her and her work. Somewhere in between there, it seems that things got taken out of context and I now look like I am a braggy person.

My desire was never to say, "Hey look at me! Look what i'm doing!" I do have a little more time to focus on creating a bigger clientele now, but I have no choice- I do not have a job! There is no steady income from my part of the marriage. If anything I wanted to know that I was on the right path and never in a million years would I think things would turn out like this.

I didn't "know" anyone except her in the business before jumping in with two feet, so of course I had questions that maybe I should have found someone else to ask, but I realize now that photography is so cut-throat, and I am contemplating finishing the weddings I have booked and hanging up my business hat. I just feel so defeated.

34 comments:

Random Musings Of My Life said...

NOOOO!!!

You can not worry about stepping on toes. A true friend (although you held her close, did she hold you?)

I always tell everyone you should never compromise yourself or your values in a relationship.

That would go for friendships too. I know its a tough lesson to learn and it hurts so much more when its a friend, but you should just trust that everything will work out the way its supposed to.

You are LOVING what you are doing. You would be crazy to stop now!! Use this little bump to fuel what you are doing. Let it give you strength to do what you love.

Kristina P. said...

Megan, I know how you feel more than anything. I lost a friendship of 8 years over jealousy and pettiness. I'm the one who broke it off because I couldn't deal with her negativity anymore.

Amber said...

I'm so sorry. :0(
Hang in there...keep doing what you love!

Ashley said...

Don't give up now! Friends like that aren't worth your time..

...so why would you give up your dream for her?

Keep truckin' and keep your head up. I'm sorry this happened.

Jenny.Lee said...

I'm so sorry Megan. Losing friendships is always so hard, I know I've been there pretty recently myself. Hang in there. If this is something you truly love don't let anyone's pettiness get in your way!

Lucky in Love said...

I have recently had a falling out with a girl I considered my very best friend for over 10 years. Now we don't even talk...

I am so sorry you are going through this...but I would hate to see you give up something that you love and are SO GREAT AT just because of another person. You need to live your life and do what makes you happy!

We love you!

Tina:0) said...

As others have said... its a learning experience. But don't let your dreams go just to please someone else! Your work is beautiful & you shouldn't give up!

Gwen said...

First off I am sorry you are feeling so much hurt right now. Losing a friendship is never fun. I've been going through it for about a year now.

Second, please do not stop your photography because of one person that was jealous of your talent. Not everyone can handle competition and you are better off now that you know.

You will be a better person for this situation. Just remember that every thing happens for a reason.

I'm praying for you!!! XOXO

C said...

Megan, NOOoooo!! Do NOT give up this career you love and are amazing at.

Don't let anyone steal your dream.

Jennifer said...

Oh girl I've been there - recently too. Lost a friend that I've known for ten years too.

It's so sad that your friendship was the cost of her being threatened by you, your talents and abilities. Even if you two are both photographers, a true friend wouldn't have seen you as competition, but helped you along the way.

Hang in there. I know what its like to feel girlfriendless and betrayed. )o:

Sunshinemeg said...

That is really tough. You must keep on breathing. It may seem like a simple concept, but it is forgotten from time to time. Breathe girl.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry about the loss of your friendship.

I really like you and feel bad leaving an anonymous comment, but here goes. I think having advertisements on your sidebar and naming them something else is not only misleading to your readers, it is misrepresentation for the company. Do you really need to do that for the little bit of money you get from it?

Megan said...

To Anonymous: I don't have any advertisements on my page!

Anonymous said...

I apologize if it wasn't done intentionally and you are truly unaware, but FYI the following:

"and I pray"
"I 'heart' my hubby"
"Photography"

are not just pretty pictures on your sidebar, they are all links to other sites.

I clicked on the "Photography" one expecting to see some of your work and was redirected to another site.

Megan said...

To Anonymous: Right, they're just free icon sites.. no money to be made anywhere! Just free icons that anyone can link on their blog, myspace, whatever! :)

This is from the one site: To use the free Christian Myspace Icons: Copy the HTML code from below the icon image and paste the code on your blog, MySpace, Friendster, Hi5, MyEeos, Xanga, Piczo, Orkut, Multiply, TagWorld or other social networking profile page. You can also post the Christian icon code as a MySpace comment

Megan said...

p.s. I would have been in the wrong (at least I think!) If I had linked that "photography" button to my photography site, I didn't make the button, I wanted it to be linked back to where I got it from.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, I guess I don't get the concept. This is a blog, not MySpace.

And no, I don't think it would have been wrong for you to link to your own photography. That is the exact reason I clicked on it. I expected to be directed to your photography, not some lame site with goofy pictures that you normally see on places like MySpace.

Slyde said...

ive been in a similar situation... it really hurts to lose someone you thought you were close to...

Windy City Kelley's said...

Don't stop now! All of this comes with having your own business I'm afraid - you'll get a thick skin after awhile. I've been through this with a close friend too and I've never gotten over it. It hurts but in the end you're better off!

THE Stephanie said...

OMG Megan! Don't do that! There is always competition, and there will always be someone who won't like that competition, but you can't let that make you turn in your camera! You are great at what you do!

Listen, in my business of blog and web design, instead of being cut-throat, we've teamed up with other designers to help each other. Just b/c this one person turned out not to be like that doesn't mean there isn't someone out there who can't be.

Don't give up!! You're way too good. And besides, it's your dream!

Leigh said...

I'm so sorry. But don't stop photography, you love it and are very good at it.

Lindsey said...

I know how hard this is, my relationship with best friend ended2 years ago and it sucks but I have met some incredible friends through church that I may have never met if we were so close.

Wearing Mascara said...

Megan,

As everyone has said so far, I am sorry you are hurting. It's really tough losing someone that has been there for you and now isn't. If you ever need a friend, I'm here. If you want to email me - I will listen. Please don't quit! You are one of my inspirations (I'm just an amateur but I love looking to your blog for inspiration). Hang in there love.

J

Sherrie said...

It is always hard losing a friend. Sorry this happened to you!

*~! megs !~* said...

just found your blog and on the perfect day. i just recently blogged about losing a friendship as well. it sucks, but once the jealousy and all is out there, you will never get back what you had. keep your head up and keep doing what you do!!

I hope you don't mind a new reader =)

Savvy Mode SG said...

oh no. you shouldn't hang up your hat if this is what you like to do. perhaps you can talk to your friend and try to clear up the misunderstanding. if not, then there is nothing you can do about it. it takes two to make or break a relationship.

Kat said...

Hmmm. Sounds to me like this friend was too jealous to be a good friend. I'm sorry. :(

Michelle said...

*sigh*

My heart aches for you because I've been in your shoes before as far as losing a friendship is concerned. It's hard. It's sad. And, it's terribly confusing.

But, you know the saying...to thine own self be true. And, you are.

I am an overly sensitive person and I truly take what people say to heart...it's a serious problem that I must overcome. That being said, stand tall and know that you are who you are because of your faith, your beliefs and your dreams. What that other person says or does is usually fueled out of jealousy which isn't a good thing.

Chin up, my dear, and know that you aren't alone during this trying time.

writing4612 said...

DON'T quit because of one person. If you do, you'll regret ot.

It is hard when you lose a best frienship. A relationship is supposed to be give and take. If you were the one making all the efforts to keep in touch with her, she didn't value your friendship.

This may sound harsh, but you have to cut your losses and move on.

Mrs. Nurse said...

It has been a couple of days since you posted this. But I am just now getting on. I am thinking of you. I too have lost a couple of friends that I felt close to. It always hurts to lose someone. I pray that you find comfort during this difficult time, as well as peace. I remember when we were little and you and your little friend would fight and not talk that day at school, but the next day everything was okay. How I sometimes wish life was still so carefree..but sadly it isn't. Remember that a real friend always loves you no matter what :). Mrs. Nurse

Anonymous said...

Oh I commented in the above blog and I gotta agree with what all your bloggy buddies have said "Move on from neg friends and pursue your dreams!" Also your first bf...wow! I guess men will be men.

Naturally Caffeinated Family said...

aww megan i'm sorry! don't stop though! she's honesty probably just jealous of your accomplishments! don't let it get you down girl!

Princess Abigail said...

Jealousy is a destructive emotion babes. Maybe your friend was resentful of your blossoming business and obvious talent? It hurts when friendships come to an end ... but one closed door will always open another... a new beautiful friend is probably about to stroll into your life!

Monica said...

Sorry to hear about your troubles, although I hope you are doing much better since then. I had a very similar situation happen to me, only my ex-bestie just closed the door to all communication without telling me. Made me feel way worse then any guy dumping me!