[this is my blog, my outlet, and I will speak my mind]
Nothing prepares you for the day you realize a close friendship is over, or that is has created some feelings that may not be resolved, no matter how much you would like to reconcile. In my life I have been hurt by two, now three, girls worse than I was ever hurt by a boyfriend. (keeping in mind that my first 'boyfriend' got a girl pregnant while we were together, and I had no idea he was being 'unfaithful') The friendships with these girls were all friendships that I held dearly to my heart and it still upsets me to think about. I would say that my eyes will not shed any more tears, but there are currently tears in my eyes.
I honestly 100% thought that there was a mutual encouraging relationship between me and her. We would talk throughout gmail pretty much all throughout the workday Monday-Friday. She would tell me something exciting about her more experienced business, and I would tell her something exciting about my new blooming business. I shared frustrations of the business world (maybe I should have kept a few comments to myself, but I was afterall in the presence of a friend) and always made sure to ask what she was up to and encourage her and her work. Somewhere in between there, it seems that things got taken out of context and I now look like I am a braggy person.
My desire was never to say, "Hey look at me! Look what i'm doing!" I do have a little more time to focus on creating a bigger clientele now, but I have no choice- I do not have a job! There is no steady income from my part of the marriage. If anything I wanted to know that I was on the right path and never in a million years would I think things would turn out like this.
I didn't "know" anyone except her in the business before jumping in with two feet, so of course I had questions that maybe I should have found someone else to ask, but I realize now that photography is so cut-throat, and I am contemplating finishing the weddings I have booked and hanging up my business hat. I just feel so defeated.