Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Trouble in Paradise

"...The mother-in-law frequently forgets she was once a daughter-in-law"

There really should be a part in our vows about accepting his family. My family is not perfect, but they have always accepted David with open arms. Upon entering his family I was told "Good Luck" by another member.

There's a story. There's always a story. However, it is so long that it would be impossible to describe on here. David & I screwed up by not including them when we originally got married on August 1. It was supposed to be under wraps so that everyone wins. My family is very conservative, southern baptist, and his... well his just didn't care that we were going to live together. We decided to let my parents in on it, but not his. Not out of spite, or anything, but purely for what we thought was a "win-win" situation. When we decided we weren't going to have a "wedding" on May 16, we decided we didn't want a wedding day. We didn't want a wedding day that didn't have everyone included. This was not good enough for his mother, as you know she must know everything. It has even gone as far as me getting some nasty threat-type e-mails from someone his family. (Yeah, really!) Well, curiosity killed the cat, and she found out the day that the church threw us the reception on May 16 (which was so nice of them, and that was supposed to be our "wedding day"). David went over there the next day after we got back and they talked it through. He told them how my & my parents beliefs did not line up with theirs and how we truly thought this was the best situation for everyone. Everything seemed settled. Of course they were going to be upset, after all, they did kind of miss their son's "wedding day" and it was our fault.

Well that was 3 weeks ago and his mother has not spoken to me. She has ignored every single phone call and message I left. I broke down crying the other day because I want her to forgive and move on, but she is the type to hold a grudge for years, and years. (like, double digits.)

At this point, she wants nothing to do with our lives. She doesn't want to get to know me as her daughter-in-law. I am not sure when she will eventually call, but when she does I am praying that I will have a good attitude. So much of me wants to write her out of my life because of how things are going now.

The worst part? They live a mile away from us. It isn't like we're a ways away and she happened to be busy.

When I was growing up I was terrrrrible. All of those times that my mother should have thrown her hands up and left me, she didn't. She always was quick to forgive and I guess not everyone can be like that, and that hurts. It hurts to have someone so close (in distance and family-wise) that wants absolutely nothing to do with you.

My grandmother said her MIL never once accepted her. They went through YEARS like what I am describing where she would have nothing to do with her. I really hope that is not the case for us. I make a vow right now to never, ever turn my back on my kids or their spouses.

The upside of all of this, is that deciding where to go for Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, July 4th, and all the others have just gotten a lot easier!

21 comments:

...love Maegan said...

oh man, in-laws are so difficult to deal with ...eeek. I hope it gets better ...and easier and not come in between you two.

Jenny.Lee said...

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this. I don't understand why she is being this way. Ugh well you tried to do the right thing and thats enough in my opinion.

Ashley said...

Ugh what a bummer! Did you guys ever post the story about why you decided to get married on August 1?

Abbi said...

goodness, i'm sooo sorry this happened!! i'll be praying that everything works out in God's way! just keep your head, and remember your the one would called and made the effort!! that's all you can do and just put it in God's hands!!!
like you said at least you don't have to share holidays right now!!!

Kat said...

Oh man. That is really tough. My mom had a VERY hard time with my dad's mom for a good 20 years or so. It was nuts. Luckily my dad was super supportive of my mom. But I will NEVER do that to my sons and their wives. So crazy.

I hope it all works out.

Kristina P. said...

Oh, Megan, I am so sorry. I love my inlaws. My family is the problem!

Lis said...

I am so sorry!! My Mom and my Dad's mom went through craziness like this for years (like 10!) and then one day my grandma just got over it.

I hope that she comes around sooner rather than later!!!

Jon and Steph said...

I am so sorry! I don't understand why people have to be that way. I believe you should forgive and move on because life is way to short to hold a grudge. Hopefully things will blow over soon. If not, it's not your fault, you've tried to make amends and that is all you can do!

New Girl on Post said...

You know...she's being ridiculous and rude. You don't deserve to be treated that way. If she feels left out then she needs to get over it and move on for the good of everyone.

Cari said...

How awful. I am glad that my future in-laws are nice. It's her loss though because you seem to be a very sweet, caring person. If she truly loved her son, she would forgive and move on for his happiness.

The Pink Potpourri said...

oh wow. so sorry you're having to experience all of that :( but you seem to be handling it very well. hope she comes around soon and you can build a positive relationship.

Tasha said...

I feel your pain. Kids might help soften walls in the future. You're not alone...

Miss you girl.

Employee No. 3699 said...

I'm confused. Did you not invite them or did the church throw you a 'surprise' wedding and his parents weren't there?

Tara Gibson said...

i am so sorry that you have to deal with this. The best thing to do is take the highroad (Even though it sucks sometimes) If you give them no reason to justify their childish actions, then you will continue to win. try to stay strong!

Lucky in Love said...

In-laws are rough business. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this and I truly hope she comes around sooner rather than later.

the Preppy Princess said...

Oh, this is such a shame, I feel so badly for you two other than support each other in response to her immaturity and malevolence.

Sending good thoughts your way,
tp

Jennifer said...

Oh girl, what a mess! I'm so sorry to hear about her unforgiveness and grudgeholding. She is definitely missing out on having a relationship with an extraordinary woman. HOpefully she gets over her pride.

C said...

Aww, this is so not fun! I really hope there's reconciliation eventually! Praying for you girl!

Lindsey said...

Oh goodness, I hear you on this. I have had similar issues with my MIL. I know how you feel, hugs friend!!

Mariah said...

oy. That's all I have. I hope you can work it out with her

Mrs. Lukie said...

So I just stumbled upon your blog. And I also stumbled upon this post. And I could have written this post.

I know it's been awhile, and maybe this is too personal & none of my business, but...have issues been resolved with your mother-in-law? We haven't spoken to my mother-in-law since July 31st (the day before our "big wedding"...even though we had gone to the courthouse in April & gotten legally married). And it's weighing on me. And I hate it. But she despises me & is holding a grudge...so I'm just curious, if you have resolved things, how in the world did you do it?
xoxo,
sarah
(sarahleanne04@gmail.com)