"...The mother-in-law frequently forgets she was once a daughter-in-law"
There really should be a part in our vows about accepting his family. My family is not perfect, but they have always accepted David with open arms. Upon entering his family I was told "Good Luck" by another member.
There's a story. There's always a story. However, it is so long that it would be impossible to describe on here. David & I screwed up by not including them when we originally got married on August 1. It was supposed to be under wraps so that everyone wins. My family is very conservative, southern baptist, and his... well his just didn't care that we were going to live together. We decided to let my parents in on it, but not his. Not out of spite, or anything, but purely for what we thought was a "win-win" situation. When we decided we weren't going to have a "wedding" on May 16, we decided we didn't want a wedding day. We didn't want a wedding day that didn't have everyone included. This was not good enough for his mother, as you know she must know everything. It has even gone as far as me getting some nasty threat-type e-mails from someone his family. (Yeah, really!) Well, curiosity killed the cat, and she found out the day that the church threw us the reception on May 16 (which was so nice of them, and that was supposed to be our "wedding day"). David went over there the next day after we got back and they talked it through. He told them how my & my parents beliefs did not line up with theirs and how we truly thought this was the best situation for everyone. Everything seemed settled. Of course they were going to be upset, after all, they did kind of miss their son's "wedding day" and it was our fault.
Well that was 3 weeks ago and his mother has not spoken to me. She has ignored every single phone call and message I left. I broke down crying the other day because I want her to forgive and move on, but she is the type to hold a grudge for years, and years. (like, double digits.)
At this point, she wants nothing to do with our lives. She doesn't want to get to know me as her daughter-in-law. I am not sure when she will eventually call, but when she does I am praying that I will have a good attitude. So much of me wants to write her out of my life because of how things are going now.
The worst part? They live a mile away from us. It isn't like we're a ways away and she happened to be busy.
When I was growing up I was terrrrrible. All of those times that my mother should have thrown her hands up and left me, she didn't. She always was quick to forgive and I guess not everyone can be like that, and that hurts. It hurts to have someone so close (in distance and family-wise) that wants absolutely nothing to do with you.
My grandmother said her MIL never once accepted her. They went through YEARS like what I am describing where she would have nothing to do with her. I really hope that is not the case for us. I make a vow right now to never, ever turn my back on my kids or their spouses.
The upside of all of this, is that deciding where to go for Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, July 4th, and all the others have just gotten a lot easier!