Thursday, October 30, 2008

Over Achevier: Top 10 List & Write

Back for Mama Kat's assignment! I decided to do two, although the second one isn't mine--I found some pretty funny top ten lists and had to share!

WHY DO YOU WRITE?" That one is easy smeasy! Although I blogged before I left DC, I definitely do it more now. I had a lot of people to hang out with in DC (I know, Ms. Popular here! jk) and do not know that many people that live in Chester. Luckily, a good amount of David's family is right down the street a lot of my friends from college are about an hour & half away, and my family is about that far as well. So, I write to keep myself from cutting in the shower and crying because I have no friends. Just. Kidding. Don't freak out and call the cops on me. I seriously do think of each of you as my blogland friends and I wish you all lived closer!

~~I also picked, "You've been hired as a writer for "Late Show with David Letterman." Your first assignment is to come up with a witty, nonpolitical Top Ten list for him to read on air." I'm supposed to be creative here..but have you SEEN some of the stuff his actual writers came up with? Let me just cheat here and post some from their archives list.

Top Ten Signs You’re Not Going to Graduate From High School This Year:
10- Instead of a cap & gown, they give you a McDonald’s hairnet.
9- Your final paper in English was titled, “TV Guide: Gateway to Viewing Pleasure.”
8- Grandma starts affectionately calling you “Lil’Flunkie.”
7- Nobody believes pot in your locker was planted by those Whitewater dudes.
6- Your computer teacher discovers you getting’ it on with a laptop.
5- At oral exam, you respond to every question with, “Hey—I ain’t in Mensa, you now!”
4- Your guidance counselor gives you Dr. Kevorkian’s number.
3- You constantly neglect your studies to date Woody Allen.
2-Your name: Kenny. This year’s prom theme: “Sorry you won’t be graduating, Kenny.”
1- Your combined score on the SAT: 12.

Top Ten Messages Left of Britney Spears’ Answering Machine:
10- “It’s Bill Clinton. I hear you’re confused and vulnerable. Call Me”
9- “Hi Britney, Good News—We now have a revolving door at the rehab center”
8- “Al Gore here. You’re contributing to global warming, because your new look is hot!”
7- “It’s K-Fed. Who would’ve though I’d look like the responsible one?”
6- “It’s Melania Trump. Think you and the clippers can fix the mess on Donald’s head?”
5- “I’m calling from ‘American Idol.’ Would you like to replace Paula Abdul as our crazy judge?
4- “NASA calling – we think you might be astronaut material”
3- “Carol Channing here. I want my wig back, bitch.”
2- “Hey it’s Paris. Are we still sluttin’ it up this weekend?”
1- “This is the hair salon – you left your underwear here”

Top Ten Signs Your Baby Is Too Fat.
10- She has your eyes and Barry Bonds’ head
9- Doctor says, “It’s a……GOOD LORD!”
8- “Baby Carriage” is a Forklift.
7- The kid’s got more chins than fingers.
6-Incubator littered with baby back ribs.
5- Local news crew shoes up thinking a baby elephant has been born.
4- His pacifier is a stick of butter.
3- Nevermind a c-section, you had a d-section! I tell you, folks, that’s one FAT baby!
2- First word: Bacon
1- Twice a day, the kid gets mistaken for Rosie O’Donnell.


Melissa said... are sooo creative with your top tens!! I couldn't even think of 1 item on 1 list... oh and I love the "d-section"... with my kids I think I had an "a-section" because they were all sooo tiny!!

New Girl on Post said...

Perhaps you should start writing for David Letterman! I think your Top Ten lists were funnier than most that are on the show!

Melissa Ellen said...

I love those! My fav - top 10 your baby is too fat. I laughed soooo hard.

Funny girl you!

my word verification is "Later"

So I'll catch you Later on the flip flop - and we can get crunk ;)

"J" said...

These are a freaking TRIP! Love it!!!!!!

FYI - We are HERE for YOU...don't go and cut yourself!!! For real...there is help out there!!! =) HA! You nut!!! =)

Rachel said...

Hilarious!!! Too funny...especially Britney list!

THE Stephanie said...

30 degrees??? Ooooo... you're makin' me mad! I love the cold, too, but I'm in South Texas. So I'm pretty much out of luck. We had 2 mornings of 45 and now we're back to 60 in the morning and this afternoon it will be back up to at least 85.

Sheesh! It's almost November!! Didn't anyone get the memo???

Employee No. 3699 said...

Letterman's writers do come up with some pretty funny lists.

My home - My life said...

I am glad you are bloggin more - I enjoy reading your posts!

Lindsey said...

This was a great post! I laughed out loud!

Jen said...

those are some funny lists. LOL!

Weeksie50 said...

I looked up Top 10 archives last night so that I could get inspired..but it didn't help me either...

That baby fat one is so cracking me up..

Kristina P. said...

Love the Britney one. I'm so glad she's back!

Andy and Kelly said...

thanks! I think i'm going to try to make some pumpkin ones as well, now that I've got the hang of it! :)

Ashley said...

I loved the old Top 10 Letterman list! Especially the fat baby one =]

&& Your ring is beautiful!

Mama's Losin' It said...

blogging is good for you. Because I say so.

Those lists are hilarious!!!

And CONGRATULATIONS! That ring is gorgeous...and so is your man! Woo hoo.