"WHY DO YOU WRITE?" That one is easy smeasy! Although I blogged before I left DC, I definitely do it more now. I had a lot of people to hang out with in DC (I know, Ms. Popular here! jk) and do not know that many people that live in Chester. Luckily, a good amount of David's family is right down the street a lot of my friends from college are about an hour & half away, and my family is about that far as well. So, I write to keep myself from cutting in the shower and crying because I have no friends. Just. Kidding. Don't freak out and call the cops on me. I seriously do think of each of you as my blogland friends and I wish you all lived closer!
~~I also picked, "You've been hired as a writer for "Late Show with David Letterman." Your first assignment is to come up with a witty, nonpolitical Top Ten list for him to read on air." I'm supposed to be creative here..but have you SEEN some of the stuff his actual writers came up with? Let me just cheat here and post some from their archives list.
Top Ten Signs You’re Not Going to Graduate From High School This Year:
10- Instead of a cap & gown, they give you a McDonald’s hairnet.
9- Your final paper in English was titled, “TV Guide: Gateway to Viewing Pleasure.”
8- Grandma starts affectionately calling you “Lil’Flunkie.”
7- Nobody believes pot in your locker was planted by those Whitewater dudes.
6- Your computer teacher discovers you getting’ it on with a laptop.
5- At oral exam, you respond to every question with, “Hey—I ain’t in Mensa, you now!”
4- Your guidance counselor gives you Dr. Kevorkian’s number.
3- You constantly neglect your studies to date Woody Allen.
2-Your name: Kenny. This year’s prom theme: “Sorry you won’t be graduating, Kenny.”
1- Your combined score on the SAT: 12.
Top Ten Messages Left of Britney Spears’ Answering Machine:
10- “It’s Bill Clinton. I hear you’re confused and vulnerable. Call Me”
9- “Hi Britney, Good News—We now have a revolving door at the rehab center”
8- “Al Gore here. You’re contributing to global warming, because your new look is hot!”
7- “It’s K-Fed. Who would’ve though I’d look like the responsible one?”
6- “It’s Melania Trump. Think you and the clippers can fix the mess on Donald’s head?”
5- “I’m calling from ‘American Idol.’ Would you like to replace Paula Abdul as our crazy judge?
4- “NASA calling – we think you might be astronaut material”
3- “Carol Channing here. I want my wig back, bitch.”
2- “Hey it’s Paris. Are we still sluttin’ it up this weekend?”
1- “This is the hair salon – you left your underwear here”
10- She has your eyes and Barry Bonds’ head
9- Doctor says, “It’s a……GOOD LORD!”
8- “Baby Carriage” is a Forklift.
7- The kid’s got more chins than fingers.
6-Incubator littered with baby back ribs.
5- Local news crew shoes up thinking a baby elephant has been born.
4- His pacifier is a stick of butter.
3- Nevermind a c-section, you had a d-section! I tell you, folks, that’s one FAT baby!
2- First word: Bacon
1- Twice a day, the kid gets mistaken for Rosie O’Donnell.